Edward Cullen

"It is done. We will help you." Jake had said, and I found myself a little relieved I'd suspected that they would agree because Jacob asked them to, and to protect the town, but we were enemies. It was no easier for them to agree than it was for us to.

Working together went against our basic natures. We had to get over it. Carlisle had made that clear to me when I returned home after storming out to speak with Jacob and Bella. He was growing impatient with my tantrums, and I supposed he had a point. It was hard to control my temper when the one I loved was in love with another. In love with my enemy.

Now I had to work with him because it was the only way to protect Bella. There was more at stake here than Bella's safety, I knew that, but she would always be my first and main concern. We agreed on when and where to meet.

"Do not bring Bella," I informed him. He hung up in response. Of course I knew why.

He had no more control over what Bella Swan did than I did.

Edward left the family meeting enraged. It was impossible enough to trust the dog with Bella. How the hell was he supposed to trust the pack of dogs to help protect the town? They would never agree to fight side by side with the Cullens. They were enemies.

Enemies who shared a town in common. Enemies who wanted to see the town remain intact. Of course he realized that on some level, but it took him speeding away from the house and toward Bella's house for those thoughts to truly register. When he turned down her street he immediately saw that the dog was already there. Naturally.

His mood was threatening to get the best of him. It was hard to swallow down his anger when he thought of Jake being so close to Bella. He tried to focus on the fact it would be easier to talk to him this way. He wouldn't be violating the treaty by approaching Jake here. It wasn't like he could walk casually on to the reservation.

No sooner had he parked the Volvo, the door to the Swan opened, and Jacob walked out. Of course she wasn't far behind him. Edward knew that he had to keep his temper in check if he was going to manage to have this conversation with the dog. Easier said than done of course.

"What do you want?" Jake demanded, as Edward emerged from his car. He looked as territorial as Edward felt. Brilliant. This would go well.

"We need to talk. There is a situation in Seattle that could end up here." His tone was clipped, and he kept his focus on Jake, but couldn't help but steal a glance at Bella. "Perhaps you and I should discuss this alone, Jacob."

"Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of Bella, leech. What's the problem, and what the hell does it have to do with Forks?" The boy was practically frothing at the mouth. It was clear he wanted a fight as much as Edward did. So eager to prove who was bigger and badder in front of the girl they both loved.

Edward would have to be the adult here.

Somewhere back home, Carlisle would be rolling his eyes at the thought.

"There is no serial killer in Seattle, Jacob. You're aware of this."

"You think they're coming to Forks?" He paused and then growled. "You think they're coming here because of you? Then leave. You had no problem doing that before."

Edward's eyes flashed with anger, but he chose to look at Bella instead of Jake. "If we leave there is no guarantee they won't still head here to see for themselves that we're gone, Bella."

1. Bella
2. Carlisle
3. Esme
4. Alice
5. Rosalie
6. Jasper
7. Charlie
8. Renee
9. Emmett
10. Jacob Black.
























10. Jacob Black.

1. I'm dead.
2. Which means I can not have children.
3. Which is why Bella should not be in such a hurry to die.
4. As she would be a wonderful mother.
5. Apparently she refuses to acknowledge all the things she will be giving up when I turn her.
6. I wanted very much to be a father once.
7. Now I am forever seventeen years old.
8. Which is why I do not understand why she is in a rush to die.
9. Which will be a constant source of our debate.
10. I will be a good husband to her. I can at least give her that.

1. Bella
2. Carlisle
3. Esme
4. Alice
5. Rosalie
6. Emmett
7. Jasper
8. Charlie
9. Jacob Black. Only because Bella could not stand to lose him to death.

Which time? I've been through high school several times over the years. Carlisle believes it is necessary for us to truly blend in to wherever we happen to be staying. I suppose he is right. Though sometimes I suspect he just enjoys watching us have to repeat subjects throughout the years.

I know for a fact he took a bit of delight in the times we were enrolled in schools that required uniforms. Alice and Rosalie's reactions were quite entertaining actually. Perhaps the next school that we have to attend in a few years will require them again. Watching Alice attempt to make them unique without breaking the dress code never gets old, honestly.

I enjoy high school. Every time I attend I learn something knew. It's not as engaging and intriguing as college, but there is something so fascinating about teenagers. With each passing generation things change yet in some ways they stay the same. I suppose I find watching people more educational than learning the same subjects over and over again. However, life is one giant education is it not? There is always something to learn.

I will admit that I'm grateful I don't have to eat the school food though. It smells and looks atrocious.

I wish I had stayed, and not broken Bella's heart. My reasons were well intentioned, but I realize now that it was a mistake. Perhaps I realized it when I was doing it, but I had convinced myself it was the right thing to do. I convinced myself that she would be better off without me. I wanted her to choose life. I wanted her to be safe.

Alice tried to make me see that it wasn't my place to make her choose. She told me that Bella should be able to make her own choices. I didn't want to listen to her. All I could see was how it easy it would be for Bella to die in my world. All I could see was how easy it would be to break her. I suppose I never anticipated how easy it would be to break me.

I thought I could do this. I told myself that I could leave her alone as long as she was happy. This was the life she chose for herself after I forced her to choose, right? It's very arrogant and inconsiderate of me to decide I was wrong after she makes a choice I don't agree with. Yes, I am aware of that. The fact remains was that it was a mistake to leave.

I still love you, Bella. I always will. If you should find that your current relationship isn't what you wish for it to be, I will be waiting for you. Always.

Life is about choice or so we're led to believe. Edward thought he would have the choice to go to war. That he would have the choice of a wife. The choice to start a family. He wanted to be a soldier, a husband, and a father in that order. Instead the choice was taken away by illness. Unlike Rosalie he doesn't blame Carlisle for choosing to save him. He's grateful. Death would have been an ending, and if he had ended then he would have never met Bella.

She is the proof he has that life is about choice. He believes he was always intended to be with her. The only way that could have been possible was for him to have lived as long as he has. He has chosen to make her his own. To make her his wife. To give her the life that she longs for despite his own desire that she continue to live.

He chooses not to give into the instincts of what he is. He chooses to be the kind of man that Carlisle is. There is so many choices that he is permitted to have all because at the moment of his mortal death the choice was taken from him. His mother begged Carlisle to save him, and Carlisle did just that.

I'd like to be respected. I hold no illusions that most, if given the full information on who and what I am, would not respect me. Instead they would fear me. Any person with common sense would be wise to do so. After all, it is not in my nature to be a good man worthy of respect. The control I exhibit has come from years of guidance from my father. There is always a chance that I could slip up and give into the temptation that follows me every where I go.

However, after reading the dog's journal entry I feel compelled to point out that the only fear I have of him is that he will give in to his true nature, and Bella will pay the price. He has not had the years of guidance that I have been fortunate enough to have. He has not had the time to learn how to control his true nature. He is every bit the animal he believes I and my kind to be. The difference between him and I is that I acknowledge what I am. I know deep down exactly what I am capable of.

He is still a child who believes he can protect Bella from the things that go bump in the night. It's a noble desire. One that I too share with him. The difference, of course, is that I recognize and accept that I am one of those things that go bump in the night. I am what she needs to be protected from. Jacob Black, the reality is, so are you.

1. A husband.
2. A soldier
3. A father.
4. A musician.
5. Happy.
6. Successful.
7. Someone my parents would be proud of.
8. A good man.
9. My father.
10. A hero.

Edward is competitive by nature. Long before he became what he is now he was competitive. He wanted to be the best at everything he set his mind too. The best son. The best soldier. One day he would be the best husband. The best father. His dreams were simple, perhaps, but they meant the world to him. Once he was turned into a vampire he wanted to be the best at that as well. He wanted to follow the example that Carlisle set for him. He wanted to be a good son, a good brother, and perhaps a good friend.

He competed with his siblings in games. He competed with other vampires in things that couldn't quite be considered games. Competitions that he believed were easily won. After all, Edward excelled at most everything he set his mind too. He was gifted, and he knew it. He didn't take anything for granted until it came to Bella.

When he'd left her he told himself it was so that she would forget him and move on. Then he returned to find that she couldn't do the former, but had tried the latter. Jacob Black had left an impression on her heart. He was not one to back down anymore than Edward was. Bella waved it off. She said that it was only Edward for her, but Edward wasn't so sure. In fact he was rather convinced that he was now engaged in the most important competition of his life.

The struggle to win over Bella's heart completely.

"We need to talk," Jake said as he approached Edward in the school parking lot. He'd planned to corner him in town, but had no luck. This would have to do. He'd waited until Bella disappeared inside before he made his presence known. Edward, to his credit, merely nodded as he leaned against his volvo.

"Yes?"

"You can't have her back." Edward couldn't resist rolling his eyes. The dog had no clue how juvenile he sounded. Or perhaps he did. Edward smirked as Jake cringed a bit.

"She isn't a toy, Jacob. There is no dibs or finders keepers here. Bella is free to make her own choices." Even as he said it he didn't believe it. After all he had already decided that he would not interfere with Bella's relationship with the werewolf. If he made her happy, who was Edward to intervene? Especially after what he had done to her in the name of protecting her last time.

He attempted to get a read on the boy's thoughts and immediately regret it. Jake sent vivid pictures of what Bella had been like when Edward chose to leave. The images of her pain cut through him like a knife through butter. Her tears, her despair, her eventual acceptance that he was truly gone. Gripping the side of the car hard enough to dent the door, he attempted to steady himself. It was only when he was nearly shaking that Jake backed off.

This time it was the dog who smirked at the vampire.

"It's not a game, Bloodsucker. That's what you did last time. I won't let you get close enough to do it again." With that, Jake turned and walked toward his bike. Edward didn't attempt to follow him. Nor did he attempt to go to classes. Instead he leaned against his car and struggled with the pain of those shared memories.

I never meant to fall in love with Bella Swan. It was foolish to believe that someone like me could be with someone like her. She never feared me. She never feared my family. I tried to make her see that I would only hurt her or worse. She didn't believe me. To be quite honest, after a while I began to doubt it as well. I bought into the illusion that we could be together. That perhaps we would be good for each other.

On her birthday she pricked her finger. A simple little cut that would be no big deal for normal people. We were never normal people. My brother nearly attacked her. I saw in that moment that I had been right all along; she and I were foolish to believe we could be together. I was dangerous to her as was my family. Intentional or not, she could be hurt if she continued to be among us.

I left her by making her believe lies. I said horribly cruel things to make her hate me. I thought it was the least I could do before disappearing. All I wished to do was make her forget that I had ever existed. Then I would bide my time away until the day she took her last breath so that I could be free to simply end things.

Things are never simple. A family emergency forced me to return. Now I'm forced to see that she has moved on. Someone else...the dog, he makes her happy. This is what I wished for was it not? For her to be safe and happy?

She can never be safe with Jacob Black.

Our biggest problem is that my beloved, Isabella, is incapable of making choices that keep her out of danger's way. She truly is a danger magnet.

Edward regrets leaving the way he did. In his head, he had thought he was doing the right thing for Bella. He was giving her a chance at a real life. A life where a prick of her finger at a birthday party wouldn't mean that she could die. Of course, he had failed to consider that taking away her choice would chip away at her spirit. He failed to consider that the ache and pain that he felt while separated from her was magnified in her as he had been the one with the choice.

It all came down to choice didn't it? He regrets that she won't see life for the gift that it truly is. He regrets that he is willing to take her life because he refuses to allow someone in his family to do so. He regrets that he has to blackmail her in order to make her consider marriage with him. Choices. They all had so many choices, and with them comes regret.

What he does not regret is loving her. She is his entire life now, and he can live with the regrets as long as he can have her. Perhaps it is a selfish love, but it is a selfless one as well. Perhaps that is why they are meant to be husband and wife, and she is meant to die by his hand.

I was dying. My mother had already passed on, and I was too sick to hear her beg our doctor to save me. How she knew what he was I'll never know. All I knew was that my parents were gone, and I was never going off to war the way I planned on. I was never going to have a wife and start a family. I was seventeen years old and I was dying.

He was a good doctor. Compassionate and optimistic. Not something that you really found in that day and age. Most of the doctors and nurses were resigned to the fact that many patients wouldn't make it. When Carlisle decided to save me I know that he struggled with the decision. He'd never turned anyone before. He wasn't sure if it was a better fate than simply allowing me to die.

It was painful. So painful, yet he was there. Through it all, he was with me, helping me through it. Promising me the worst would be over soon. And it was. I was dead, but I had a life ahead of me. I had a chance to have that family. Maybe not the way I originally pictured it, but a family none the less.

I knew I wasn't alone from the moment he decided to make me his.